Purgatory

Last week was one of those weeks that you are glad to see end.  Just not the way this particular week ended...

I started the week out in productive manner, winning a conviction at trial in a mere day and a half and getting an accomplished young criminal to 8-10 years behind bars.  

As is usually the case after a trial, I was well nigh worthless the rest of the week.  There is usually an adrenaline rush at trial, and the letdown is tough to overcome.  I finally managed to get some paperwork done late in the week, but I am ill prepared for this week.

Add into this mixture of apathy, ennui, adrenaline, anxiety the fact that Karla and I were SO READY for the doctors to schedule inducement LAST THURSDAY.  Now my mom has been here for over a week to help with the new baby...and still no new baby.

Oh, and I apparently caught the flu bug from Katie, who caught it back from me.  I left work early on Friday with the beginnings of fever, aches and fatigue.  Saturday morning the fever was down so I gutted out a golf lesson, only to sweat buckets and end up planted on the couch for the duration of ESPN's endless Saturday college football extravaganza.  All things considered, it could have been worse, I suppose.  The capper on that crappy day was the first 3 quarters of State getting pummeled in the rain and losing more players to injury.  I quit on them after 3 quarters with a 102 degree fever, the Pack hopelessly down 31-10.

Then, at some point early morning, I awoke deliriously to hear Katie sobbing in bed with Karla, complaining of her tummy hurting.  Then I heard coughing and subsequent upchucking, a desperate moan from Karla, and, in the most pitiful voice ever "oh no, barf. Katie barf.  Tummy hurt."

My mom offered Karla some assistance in the late night stripping of the beds, clothes and other infected and sullied linens.  Katie got a bath, Karla got a shower.  Meanwhile, the whole event transpired around me in a surreal haze.  I knew what was happening, but I was a powerless zombie in my fever induced stupor.  

Finally, Sunday morning my fever broke and Katie crashed on the couch giving Karla a break.  Katie and I were both dishrags for most of the day.  The house still smells like Lysol...

I remember when I was younger and I would wait for a friend to come over to play, it would seem like forever waiting to see the car come down 14th Street, slow and turn into our driveway.  As life goes on, the waits get longer and more unbearable for the bigger events.  Nothing gets much bigger than the birth of a child, and this waiting is taking a toll.  

This weekend, feeling cramped and miserable with fever, confined to a couch, I was transported (hallucinated?) to the longest flight I've ever been on-a 4 hour flight from Dallas to Mexico City.  Certainly, I have been on longer flights.  But this plane was old, cramped and smelly.  And if you have never been to Mexico City, it is hard to describe its vastness as it spreads endlessly over the valley floor and hills up to the edge of the mountains that ring the city.  As we made our descent into the area, I was comforted knowing we'd be on the ground soon.  We then circled for the better part of an hour waiting to land, the sun blinding me, the heat overwhelming, the must of all the people trapped together in that silver tube.  As we made pass after pass, my head got lighter and dizzier.  The view from each angle the same-small buildings stretching endlessly on a grid.  

This waiting has taken on a similar feeling (aided by fever and exhaustion).  The endless circling waiting on this little one just as dizzying, just as seemingly hopeless.  The one comfort I have is that the plane landed safely, let us all off, and life went on.  This event will come and go, and time will not stop.  But sometimes it sure feels like it has and we are circling the runway for all eternity...

Lesson Learned

OK, I got my hopes up and was severely disappointed.  Despite the horrible pains I've been having the last few days, not a whole lot has changed according to the doctor.  I may have made a mistake by seeing a different doctor from last week, but I was told that it's still too early for induction or stripping membranes.  Once I heard that news, my eyes welled up and I began blubbering uncontrollably (seriously, get a grip!!!).  Dr. Stephens looked at me and said, "Don't worry, honey, we won't make you stay pregnant forever.  We won't make you go past your due date."  Two more weeks...  just relax, Wilson.  You can handle it!   

For now, I'm scheduled for another appointment next week, and I suppose that is when I'll get to discuss the option of inducing and stripping membranes.  They will also hook me up to a monitor for a stress test for 15 minutes.

Thanks to everyone who is checking in on me!  I appreciate it.

Waiting Game

The last few days have hit me hard as I continue to wait for labor.  I know it's not fair for me to complain about being physically uncomfortable during this final stage of pregnancy, especially when we're being blessed with a hopefully healthy, strong baby.  Everyone says that the bigger they are, the better they sleep.  That is bound to only be true for babies, definitely not pregnant mommies!  I must resolve to relax and wait patiently and know that she'll come out when she's good and ready.

I think my poor attitude reached its peak when Katie was getting up at 3 am because of not feeling well.  Thankfully, she is doing much better.  After that one day of barfing, she was able to keep food down and play pretty normally.  She did have a strange fever two days after the barfing episode, but seems to be doing just fine now.  She's actually about as crazy as ever.

Thankfully, Judy is now here for the duration to make sure we make it to the hospital for delivery. It helps dramatically because Katie has one more person to run to in times of need besides mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.  Although, Katie has been loving Jimmy a lot lately, which I'm sure is both a welcome but confusing change for him. He taught her the word 'snuggle,' so now that's all she wants to do!

The reason Judy is here now and not closer to the actual due date is because I thought there was a chance I was starting labor on Saturday night.  Unfortunately, I'm just crazy (so, now we know where Katie gets it).  Jimmy started a trial on Monday and was nervous that he wouldn't be able to get away fast enough to get me to the hospital without suffering a mistrial or something. Hopefully, at this point, he'll have things finished up today, so we can tell this baby to start pushing her way out tonight :)  If she isn't ready tonight or Wednesday, then I will definitely discuss induction on Thursday with Dr. Stevens at my 10:30 am appointment.

If all else fails, I will perform my own extraction since spicy foods is not doing the trick like it did with Katie!

Another Early Morning!

Katie woke up around 3:15 am coughing then left a trail of vomit from her bedroom to ours.  At first I thought she may have gotten a hold of something that she shouldn't have eaten, but after I calmed her down a bit, she ended up barfing again.  We gave her a bath and changed her sheets around 4 am.  We both stayed up with her for the duration of the wee hours of the morning. Around 7 am something she asked for a banana.  She took one bite and started throwing up again.  I now think it is the flu.  She has a slight fever.  So far, since about 8:30 am, she has been able to keep a piece of toast down, along with some Motrin.  

I called the doctor to see if there is a bug going around.  I'm waiting for them to return my call.  I guess this is the beginning of all sorts of bugs and illnesses related to school days.  Poor pitiful little bear.  It's so sad to see her like a dish rag.  

Latest Belly Update

I had another doctor's appointment this morning at 11:15 am.  I was able to see Dr. Groff this time, she's the doctor who grew up in Solon.  She is very matter of fact about everything, but much much much more pleasant than Dr. Inge, in my opinion.  Anyway, she said I was still only 1.5 cm, but she added "a GOOD 1.5 cm" to make me smile.  Then, she told me I was half way thinned out, which is more important to me anyway.  I guess I'm pleased with this news, but I still want to deliver already.  

She told me that because of the Gestational Diabetes I could opt to be induced between 38-39 weeks.  However, since I've kept it under control, I don't have to do it if I don't want to.  I was all, "What, are you crazy?  Just take it out now!"  I won't be able to schedule the induction until after my next visit which is Thursday, Sept. 25, provided I don't go into labor before then...  sigh.  I guess that's OK for now.  We'll just keep our fingers crossed that this all happens naturally, and the sooner the better.

On another note, I was thinking I probably wouldn't have the energy to push a baby out today even if nature demanded that I did.  Katie decided to wake up at 3:45 am and start her day.  We tried a little bit of everything to get her to go back to sleep, but unfortunately she was a little too restless. I was so worried about sending her to school on such little sleep, but apparently she did pretty well.  They got to meet some firefighters and check out a fire truck.  I thought she would totally dig it, but her teacher said she was a little shy about it, though still did pretty well.  The whole car ride home from school she just kept telling me that the fire truck was too loud.

She's napping now, even though she put up a fight.  I think I'll take a nap too, but without the fight.

Girlfriends

This one is still making us laugh...

On Saturday, early evening, we got together with some friends from college.  There were three couples, all of whom met at NCSU.  Dana and Graham have two girls, Dani and Avery.  Liz and Andrew (I know, when Liz and Andy got married it dawned on me that I know two couples with the same names) are expecting their first, and then of course Jimmy and I are expecting our second girl.  It's nice to see how Dana and Graham handle their girls so we're assured that it is manageable.  

The six of us were sitting around the dinner table while the three girls were playing upstairs in the playroom since they weren't really interested in finishing their pizza.  I kept thinking, "Should I trust Katie up there without supervision?  Dani is almost 4 after all, and even though she's assertive, I wonder if I should be worried.  Well, if Dana doesn't seem worried, then maybe I shouldn't be worried either."

Most of our conversation revolved around children, with a few interjections of exercise and marathon/triathlon training.  Suddenly, Dani came half way down the stairs to say "Mommy, I picked Katie up all by myself!"  I had half a bite full of salad in my mouth and started laughing pretty hard.  Dana said, "Dani, you shouldn't pick up Katie."  So, Dani said very matter of fact, "But, she got stuck in Avery's crib so I had to get her out."  I think I almost spit my food out from laughter.

Another School Day!

Katie was entirely too cute this morning, so I had to share these pictures. When I dropped her off at school her teacher said, "Oh how cute, Katie has a ponytail today," and all the kids turned to look. She already knows how to make an entrance!

     

     

C'mon, Little Lady!

Her name is picked, her room is mostly done, our bags our packed, my belly button popped out a long time ago, what's the hold up???  Bring it!  I'm ready!!

Not much to update, but here it is...

I had another doctor's appt. yesterday and felt a little blue with the outcome.  I saw the same doctor as last week and unfortunately I'm not very fond of him, so I feel pretty sure he'll be the one delivering.  Blah.  

Anyway, he said there has been no change from last week, but going from less than half a centimeter to one and a half centimeters sounds like a little change to me...  I could be wrong.  I mean, I haven't attended medical school or anything, so who knows.

Because I was blue, I found myself sitting in a pedicure chair before collecting my child from preschool.  Those lovely Asian ladies who told me I was small a few months ago must have changed their tunes.  One of them is due Oct. 3 with her first, a boy.  Suddenly, after all the pleasantries were exchanged, they continued to speak in their native tongue staring at my belly and occasionally laughing.  I felt like Elaine on Seinfeld.  What the hell were they saying about me???  Who cares.  My toes look nice.

This morning whilst perched upon the couch, Jimmy noticed my lovely toes.  Then, when I stood up, I completely smashed my left pinky toe into the leg of an end table.  I fought hard not to say something too profane, so strangely "Mother of Pearl" came out of my mouth.  It must have been too hard for Katie to repeat because she kept quiet until she saw all the blood.  Is it gross that I let her kiss my foot, per her request, to make it feel better after she insisted that I put a band aid on it?  I mean, I had already taken a shower, so probably not too gross, right? 

Old Pictures

Corbin and Katie playing at Triangle Town Center

Katie's First Day of School

Matching Pj's

Watching The Muppet's with yummy popcorn

Climbing with Corbin at Jumping Beans

Climbing and sliding at Monkey Joe's

 

Quick Baby Update

We had an ultrasound and doctor's visit this morning.  Things seem to be right where they are supposed to be.  Katie's sister is growing nicely at around 5 lbs. 7 oz.  I was told that she is NOT a big baby, at least not for now.  The technician told me I looked small, so I love her!  Baby girl already has an inch of hair on her head AND relatively big feet.  Also, I think her heart rate is around 143 bpm.  So, so far so good.

They actually checked to see if I was dilated at all since we're headed into a weekend of hurricanes and tropical storms.  I think he said I was something like less than half a cm.  She is not engaged, but she is head down, so we still have time before she makes her move.  This news was a little disappointing for me, but I guess I'm not entirely ready for her to arrive even though I'd like her to stop making me so uncomfortable.

We couldn't get a picture of her face because she was not cooperating, imagine that.  We'll just have to be surprised, I guess.

Corbin's Birthday Party

     

These are Corbin's 3 girl cousins and Katie.  He was the only boy at his party (besides his dad)!  He didn't seem to mind, especially when he started opening presents...  even though Katie was right in the middle of all the action! 

     

     

     

This Lightning McQueen remote control car was from Katie...  she wanted to steal it immediately! 

Badge of a Bad Mother

I'd have to say that this last week has taken its toll on me physically and emotionally.  I can't exactly pinpoint when it all started, but it has beaten me down and worn me slam out.

There is a chance that my frustration began about the time my newest nephew was born.  Katie's preschool had its open house that morning and, without skipping a beat, Katie was completely out of control.  She hit a boy for getting in her way, she stole puzzles from other children, she pulled a chair out from a little girl trying to sit down, and she defiantly told her new teacher "No Way!" Instead of growing resistant to the idea of sending her to preschool, Jimmy and I resolved that Katie NEEDS preschool; this will be a good experience for her in the long run.

Additionally, I spent most of the day wondering if Kristine had given birth to a "Joey," and I don't mean baby kangaroo.  We had toyed with the idea of naming our future little one, set to arrive October 10, Josephine Maria in honor grandmothers on both sides of our family.  We wanted to call her Joey.  Since I kept this idea a secret, it obviously backfired on me and so we were back to the drawing board as to the name of our unborn child...  this process is certainly not an easy one, but I think we'll pull through on top.

 

Since the open house, Katie has been all over the place.  Her lack of napping during the day and/or very early morning wake up times (before or around 6 a.m.) is completely wearing us out. I went to bed on Thursday night with a very sore throat and woke up with a very stuffy nose.  This nasty cold and horribly swampy weather has contributed to my bad mood and lack of productivity.

Finally, it all came to a head on Sunday afternoon, just before nap time.  I had had my fill of Katie's clinginess, whininess, and "only mommy can solve my problems" attitude, especially since her father was present and very capable of getting her a glass of milk in her McQueen cup. I had to go to the bathroom, so I told her to leave me alone so I could go in peace.  She heard the word "bathroom" and darted toward the master bath.  I quickly outwitted her and went to the guest bath and immediately locked the door.  I sat in there for a while debating if I should just spend the rest of the day in there, but sadly hadn't planned it out...  I should have brought some crafts, a book, maybe a small TV, etc.  After a short while, I could hear her wandering the house trying to find me.  She disappeared into the guest bedroom and shut the door.  I got nervous that she might get into something dangerous since I've torn that room apart trying to get it organized for baby #2. I reluctantly exited the bathroom to check on her.  When I saw that she was OK, I started to think of other ways to hide from her.  Jimmy finally came to my rescue (kinda) and told Katie it was time for her nap.  She freaked out and started throwing a tantrum.  I tried to hide in my bedroom so that he could handle the situation.  I heard her little footsteps racing towards the bedroom, and since closing the door never seems to work, I dove onto the floor behind the bed so she couldn't see me.  In doing so, I gave myself a pretty bad rug burn on my left knee.  As I sat there scrunched down in pain, I thought, "What the hell am I doing?"  Guilt set in, so I got up.

I walked out of the bedroom and Katie came running toward me.  We sat on the couch for a few minutes.  I held her because of the guilt factor.  Then, Jimmy rounded the corner, saw us together, and suggested that she lay down with mommy in bed...  I thought, "huh?"  But, I took her to bed anyway, we lay side-by-side, I read her a story, then we both passed out.

You'd think I would have arose rejuvenated...  not so much.  We had "planned" to take Katie to Pops in the Park in Cary that night to listen to a free NC Symphony concert and see "fire fire works."  Katie was so excited, Karla was so excited, Jimmy was not so excited.  Needless to say, Jimmy and I got into a huge fight the whole way there due to fatigue from those early wake-up calls, lack of planning on my part, and a threat of thunderstorms.  Despite all of our bickering, we actually had a nice time, and the "fire fire works" were "totally awesome, dude!"  Plus, it never rained!  

When we got home and finally got Katie to sleep, I spent some time thinking about the whole day. If I wasn't pregnant, tired, or sick, would I have handled the day differently?  Should any of that even matter?  I'm a mom.  It is my job to look after my daughter and love her unconditionally, not dive across the floor trying to hide from her when the going gets rough.  I think Katie has forgiven me for my lack of judgement, but I'll wear this little badge of poor mothering on my knee as a reminder of how not to behave...  at least until I find myself locked in the bathroom again....