Lost

I have had a hell of a month...  Uh, no, things have been pretty awful since the new year...  I take that back, turning 31 last July may have been the start of a lot of crappy things (for me), except for having perfect little Maglestein Josephine, of course!

Illnesses, lots of loss (way too much loss!), and other personal struggles...  It's like there is a black cloud hovering over my head.  I understand that concept of the Law of Attraction, but it seems like even when I'm trying to be positive, the negative prevails.

I really haven't wanted to write in the blog for a while.  In fact, I still don't.  So this will be short.

My dad died on April 13, four days shy of his 72nd birthday.  We buried him on this birthday. Yesterday was the one month anniversary of his passing.  How did I handle it?  A panic attack at 3:45 am.  

The church I call myself a member of turned me down on Mother's Day, after the 9:30 AM mass, for a June baptism for Maggie because I don't attend regularly.  I was severely offended by the manner in which I was received, and I am now struggling with the emotions that surround this alienation from a church - of all things.

Now is when I need church the most.  

I'm feeling a little lost.

Hooray for Maggie!

Maggie decided she wanted to do something special to celebrate her 5 month birthday.  What better way to celebrate than by rolling over for the first time so Mommy, Daddy, and Katie could all see!  She actually did the rolling yesterday, Sunday, March 1, in the evening, but I didn't catch it on video until today. She's such a champ at it now!  It only took one or two times for her to get the hang of it.

She's growing too fast and we can hardly stand it!  Her socks are even getting too small!  Make it stop!

This and That

Kids are funny.  

The other night I was rocking out while watching the Foo Fighters perform at Wembley Stadium on the tele.  (I'm still upset that I missed their last tour because I was 36 weeks pregnant.  I would love to see them live before I die.) Jimmy was in another room listening to the Pack beat the Deacs on the radio because for some reason it wasn't televised.  Katie was already in "bed," or what we now call bed, sleeping bag on her bedroom floor.  I was waiting patiently to hear my most favorite of their songs, Everlong.  They've changed it up a lot, lately, in that they hold off rocking that song hard until the end, whereas they normally rock the whole thing.  You hear what I'm sayin?  Dave Grohl goes acoustic right up until almost the very end when the whole band totally launches into this full out rockitude.  It's awesome.  He finally starts playing my song.  I turn up the volume just enough so as not to disturb anyone.  I get to hear the beginning of the acoustic jam, then someone gets out of "bed." Katie jumps out of her room and says, "Mommy, got to read me Farty Dog so I can go poo poo" and heads to the bathroom.  Sigh.  She takes after her father on so many levels.  

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Maggie had her 4 month check up on Thursday.  Despite her mild congestion, compliments of her sister coughing and sneezing directly in her face, she seems to be thriving.  (I try to keep them apart when Katie is sick, like she normally is, but if you know Katie like I know Katie, it's quite difficult.  She's a very in-your-face kinda gal.  Seinfeld would call her a "close talker.")  Maggie weighs 13 lbs., 11-1/2 oz. which puts her in the 55th percentile.  She's 24-7/8 in. long, which is the 75th percentile (certainly not a trait she received from her mommy).  Her head is 15-3/4 in., which is the 25th percentile (also not a trait received from her mommy).  The doctor carefully examined Magpie, per Katie's persistent requests, "Be careful, Doctor."  

Katie came along for this visit, skipping school and a Valentine's Day party, because she sounded pretty awful to me, coughing and sneezing all over the place and running a fever for two days. After Maggie had her turn with the doctor, Katie had hers.  Again, Dr. Shoffner thinks Katie is hysterical.  She never stops talking, and he even turned to me at one point, laughing out loud, to say "Her vocabulary is so good!"  Then he said, "Hmm, which one keeps you busier?"  I wonder.

Anyway, I wish doctors had some sort of magical gift to predict when a cold was going to get better or worse.  After last night, I feared that I took her to the doctor one day too early.  Katie kept me up all night coughing, sneezing, and whining, all while babyface and prosecutie snored in dreamland.  I felt badly for her because there really wasn't anything I could give her to make her feel better or to help her sleep.  The fever is gone, but the cold still persists.  What can you give a three year old to help them breathe through a cold?  Everything over the counter is for four years and up.  I know it's got to run its course. Meanwhile, we'll miss a play date so she doesn't contaminate others, but I'll have to endure the dramatic whoas all day long, solo.

At least my mother-in-law is coming to save the day on Saturday, the lovely St. Valentine's Day (and more than likely catch a cold all for herself), so that the prosecutie I spoke of previously and I can have a night out to celebrate our love making which invariably produced such dramatic whoas, you know the kind that last a lifetime!

Sorry for the time lapse, but this should make you laugh.

      

This afternoon, while perched upon the toilet in her attempt to pee before nap time, Katie examined my hands.  They are dry, very dry, and quite cracked, so cracked that they bleed from time to time.  (I'm a little obsessed about washing them.)  Katie pointed out my "boo boos," then told me that she "got a boo boo, too."  I examined her hands and found a tiny sliver of a boo boo on her left pinky knuckle.  I pointed it out to her and asked, "Is that your boo boo?"  She said, (I quote her word for word), "Yes, that's my boo boo.  Daddy got Katie boo boo.  He cracked my finger.  He pulled my finger off.  I go hosible.  I get stitches.  I get bandaid.  I get boo boo.  I get treat!  I get juice, and uuuumm, pumpkin, cookies, cake, popcorn, and I see Maggie.  See?  I told ya."